Artist’s Statement:

Link to playlist

Who’s got BigGenderFeelsTM? I know I do! This piece is very near and dear to my heart, as it helped me find a new way to express things about gender that are hard to put words to. I began by painting the crimson lines to symbolize the bloody, raw, viscera inside of our bodies, as well as to represent the many different-shaped boxes that we are put in from birth in the name of “gender”. From the earliest I can recall, I have resisted and rebelled against these boxes; starting at age 4 or so, I would have full-on panic attacks/nuclear meltdown sobbing fests every time my parents forced me to wear a dress. Dresses felt WRONG, SUFFOCATING, INAUTHENTIC, CONFINING. That was not me, and it hurt to be seen as the thing people kept insisting I was. I grew up with an older sister, and everything I saw in her or that was “for girls” felt like the wrong fit; it simply was not me, nor was it something I wanted anything to do with. The color pink made my stomach turn, because it was “for girls”. I learned early that not every meal was in fact happy, because even toys apparently had “boy” and “girl” labels. It took me until my 20’s to embrace the color pink, and in turn my femininity, because I was constantly convinced that no one would believe I was a guy if I allowed myself to appear anything other than stereotypically male. This is common for trans folx. We are often under a lot of scrutiny to simply exist.

I painted this piece as a way to represent many shades of many gendered experiences. Sometimes gender can be jagged, harsh, gruff; other times gender can be more fluid, soft, or sweet. Gender can at times feel crushing, or empowering. Sometimes gender feels like it doesn’t exist at all; sometimes gender is the only thing that exists until you reach the summit of the magenta mountain you are climbing. While the colors in this piece are mostly drawn from the trans pride flag, I blended in some purple from the nonbinary/genderqueer/genderfluid flags and green from the agender/genderqueer flags to represent not just my BigGenderFeels, but also to highlight that most trans folx use more than one label to describe their gender. Ex. I usually use the labels trans/nonbinary or gender non-conforming, and I use he/him or they/them pronouns.

This playlist is made up of some of my favorite songs by trans/nonbinary artists (other than the punk classic “Androgynous” by The Replacements) and serves to highlight and uplift our unique voices and experiences.